The latest part 2

As Mardi left the room to collect Amelia, the paediatrition stood in the doorway.

"I am worried about you. She already has so much".

I closed the door on her and said "I just need to be alone for a minute please".

I sat in a chair in this sparse and lonely environment.
I wondered whether I needed to cry or just try to process what will become another new normal.
Amelia is petrified of needles and "eating" is her only outlet, passion and "quality of life".
The discussions of dinners, snacks and lunch is her daily routine.
To limit the items and start carbohydrate counting for her, felt like the end.

How can I still provide her with an amazing life by taking her last happiness off her?

Amelia has had walking, playing, socialising and talking taken away.
Food and its enjoyment was the last thing.

I ended up just staring into space and trying to find a positive to what I believed was our final setback.

When Amelia returned, I explained to her what the doctors had said.
She handled it better than me.

After Mardi's husband drove the entire way just to pick her up, we were moved to a ward.
Initially I was not impressed with the "joined" room, but the 5 year old boy we met across the way was a blessing in disguise.
He was chatty, happy and was full of questions.
Amelia was laughing and I found myself remember my days of teaching this age group.

Overnight was not as easy as he needed medical attention and there was a lot of talking and tears.

On that first night, Amelia's very first insulin dose did not arrive till close to 10pm.
Because we were moved from Emergency so late, the order for insulin needed to be redone and everyone had gone home.
Amelia and my anxiety was only climbing, but this little boy distracted us greatly.

Amelia has a MASSIVE needle phobia and when it did finally arrive, she almost squeezed the life out of my hand. But there were no tears.
The needle was withdrawn and her entire face broke into a smile.
"That didn't really hurt" she said and the relief filled the room.
With a decent meal required after each meal, we did not turn off the lights until late.
Amelia fell asleep quickly and I found myself laying there wondering whether the blankets were like this last year. They felt like sandpaper and scratched my skin whenever I moved.

I also found myself wondering what we have done to cause this much pain and heartache.
How are we all going to cope with the newest battle?

I got no sleep.

xxx