Hello awesome people,

I originally learnt that I could write my feelings in December 2010.

It was a very new discovery and blew everyone close to me away.

"You can write!" they said.

I would write at 1pm or 1am, because my daughter had just been diagnosed with a terminal illness.

TERMINAL.

I needed to empty my mind of the pain and hurt.

I had just been told that my 7 year old child was going to die at anytime and there was no cure.

Writing helped me sleep, talk and LIVE.

"No regrets at the end" became my motto, and "An amazing life".

I am proud of accomplishing this so far and looking at my amazing family, I feel overwhelming happiness and an overwhelming sense of achievement.

I fuck up regularly and Tom has occasional moments......

But I have made many mistakes and lost many friends.

I have also seen other peoples true colours and enjoyed their departure from our lives.

The silent support has seen Scott in keeping me going and grounded.

I am loud and he is quiet.


BUT......... I need to also write when everything is going well!

I forget about that.

Everyone here is always so supportive and has followed us from the beginning.

I write about bad and sad things.
I write about celebrity meetings.
I write about thanking, congratulating and celebrating people.

I need to write when everything is mundane too!



Amelia is suddenly opinionated, sassy and direct.

People's feelings suddenly get hurt because they are no longer number 1 or immediately thought of by her!

Teenage hood has finally hit at 15 years old.

She has a life goal and career goal for the future suddenly.

It involves animals, love AND cuddles.

(if she COMES HOME with them regularly, there will be a problem!)

Tom has started at a new high school that HE CHOSE.
I put capital letters because he was very opinionated about leaving ALL of his friends and going to this particular school.
He left all of his friends, since prep, and said "I will learn better"".

Ok.

Amelia is amazing right now.
(regular medical issues that seem to take a phone call or appointment to regulate or fix).

She is still regressing, BUT she is still HERE!

Tom will always be my handful that keeps me from crying about Amelia in the corner.

AN AMAZING HANDFUL that hugs me and kisses me daily.
I asked regularly when he was in kindergarten and early years school if he was autistic or ADD or ADHD.
Staff members would stare at me in disbelief.
I was always treated like he was just "a handful".\

I always felt like he was "the naughty child".


Recently I learnt about channeling the intellect and the energy.

Tom is incredibly clever but can join the "bad kids" immediately, if permitted.

We have all learnt that including Tom.


I am now finally learning that Tom is beyond amazing.

He has a lot of capability in that brain of his.

BUT to rewind...............

I have no expectation.....

Amelia has no expectation at the end.

Amelia has many medical appointments and mum is finally leaving the house again to work.

Mum is cleaning peoples houses.

People who understand that we may end up in hospital again.

Life is good right now !

Amanda Nicholds xxx