The Mother

Hello dear friends,

I am writing to you all from the point of view of a full time carer and average woman.

A mother and a person.

I am NOT writing about my children.
Hopefully that will not get me into trouble!

I have decided that it is time to make a few changes around here as well as address a few personal issues.

Amelia and Tom are doing so incredibly well in so many areas, that my own personal life has come into focus.


I have gone crazy.
Literally.

I feel like I am possessed by the devil or something.

My mind is racing, I talk like I have ADHD and I verbally say ANYTHING!
I know this and I want to change it.
It feels weird.

For a lot of this year, I have shown my impatience, anger and low tolerance.
Whether it be in person, online or in my head.

It appears that I may be going through Early Menopause.

(Scott has cancelled the scheduled exorcism, thank goodness!).

I have shown displeasure at so many things that I do not have enough time to write them all.

Seriously.
It has been REALLY bad.

I thought that after 7 years caring for Amelia, full time, that it had all caught up to me.
I was seriously packing my bags to start a new life.......in my mind!

(and other crap that would scare you).

This year has been a serious mind fuck on so many levels and so many things have happened, I thought everything else was to blame.
My life has so many answers towards my behaviour, BUT all my behaviours were totally out of character.
Totally and absolutely.
I could see it and did not know the answer.

Scott started talking to me calmly (otherwise I probably would have punched him for the mood I was in) about early menopause.

I read the symptoms and it is "spot on".

We just need to wait on the blood tests now.
(otherwise I think I may be fucked and locked up in a mental institution).

After reading information of women selling their businesses in panic and leaving their families for isolation in country France, I finally feel sane.

Sane, that I am not alone.

Early menopause may be the answer to my recent behaviour.

(it looks like about 7 months that I have been REALLY odd. No jokes from close friends!).


Amelia requires constant care and persistent timing for needles and food.
She is intellectual and requires constant stimulation.
Even having visitors over or going out to friends places has Scott and I constantly helping her engage.

I give everything I can to both kids, outside of the basic house chores.
I want the most amazing life and opportunities for each child.

But recently I have put my hand up to both of them and said "No. Stop".

I am human too and I am mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.

I do not have time to wash my hair or vacumn the floor.

I have finally accepted that I need help and to work through finding ME again.

Due to positive and healthy discussions with the kids recently, everyone is very excited about the meeting later this week about a fully funded carer to come and help me 10 hours per week with Amelia.
They can entertain Amelia while I fold washing, cook dinner or take Tom to kick the footy.

All the things Amelia calls out to me for during ......or I feel bad about .........or just generally do not have time for.

AND it is fully funded.

Part of my stress on financial and health issues will also be kind of taken care of with a booking made for hypnotherapy to quit smoking.

Both Scott and I.

A proven record and excellent reviews.
(we may be a test case with our stress levels!)

This is my life too and I need to actually live it as well.

(No children were really mentioned during this piece).

xxx