Hello Friends,

Scott has had to communicate the latest medical news on Amelia because I am not doing too well.
(on Amelia's project on Facebook).

I am tired, emotional and have extended many of my limits.

The last 6 weeks, the last 12 months, the last 6.5 years has taken me beyond anything I ever thought I was capable of.
I still doubt myself.

Keeping Amelia upbeat and comfortable without panicking is hard.

How any one person (and I know lots do!) can handle this kind of life, I take everything off to and congratulate you (and everyone knows I am a prude).

Amelia, Tom and Scott are my everything.

I really have no other life besides them.

BUT the battle to keep Amelia safe and alive is everything right now.
All of them has always been my everything.

I have so many things that I am questioning to the doctors regularly.......

The arguments, complaints, online studies and questions of investigations....
(recorded and documented)

Some have acknowledged that they have not thought of that.......
Or jumped to "I am so sorry. I will look into that".....

So many things that have been on the list since the beginning, 6 weeks ago.
Insulin for Type 1 was my first contact.

If it ends up being that for the nausea and vomiting, I may have to kill them.
I say that quite seriously.
The amount of trauma and stress Amelia has experienced, after they were the first dept asked.....

I am so mentally and physically exhausted that I feel like I am going insane.

Now we know that our beautiful Amelia has to endure another aneasthetic.
One where I have to once again hold her hand while she sobs and pleads for me to have it not happen again.......
ME. Only me.

No one experiences that with me.

NO ONE knows the pain and suffering on her PTSD and my heart when she BEGS for it to not happen again.

Especially when it brings no result.

No one knows the pain....

And yet, I and most importantly Amelia, will need to go through it again for the liver biopsy.

What if it is cancer?

It is just not fair.

Our life is fucked and I wish that I and more importantly Amelia had NEVER experienced this pain.
God does not exist if he delivers this kind of pain and suffering.

I probably will not update for a while.
Sick of reporting sad stuff.

I am over it.

xxx