End of 2016

Hello everyone.

Feeling quite reflective tonight.

Julia's funeral was today and it was beautiful.

It is the end of what has been a difficult year full of emotions and heartache, but tonight I want to post about Amelia.

She is doing SO well.

Post operation, post cancer and post hospital she suffered from Post Traumatic Stress.
She hated the world, she hated her life and she hated anyone and everyone.
It was 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for months.
It was really hard to look after her and live with her.

For Scott and I, we would regularly debrief once the kids had gone to bed.
One night Scott asked me "How do we pick ourselves up and get back to being happy?".
"Feed off Tom" I answered. "His love and enthusiasm of life will get us through".

And it did and it has.

Amelia finally got back to see HER horse at Riding For the Disabled.
That first day was quietly magical.
Holly the horse actually licked and appeared to be kissing her.
Amelia's smile and the very beautiful connection between the two of them was amazing to watch.
I came home to Scott and explained how I had seen a small snippet of the old Amelia.

Animals have always brought out happiness in Amelia so we began moving our focus and conversations towards our pets a lot more.
The laughter that brought, surrounding the animals personalities, was another help.

Music.
Amelia has what she now calls her "Inspiring music".
We put it on loud and proud.

Maltesers.
I have taught her "emotional eating" and we now regularly eat them and talk about how shit things can be.

Shopping.
Amelia is a shopaholic but she now has a 2 week time limit after 1 outing before we go again.
She thinks she is funny to now ring Nana and say "We are going shopping on ..... day" so Nana can join her in hassling me to go! (Nana can no longer drive).

Amelia's school.
I requested a meeting soon after the hospital stay so I could explain what she had gone through, her limitations, anxiety and PTSD (even though staff members had visited us regularly).
Amelia demanded to come because part of her PTSD was that you DO NOT discuss the cancer or hospital visit.
Everyone told me she had lost even more control of her life and to let her go.
Give her some control back.
The 7 staff members in the meeting were amazing.
They explained the importance of Amelia telling them what, when, where and why.
She was in control.

Relay for life was a massive step forward for Amelia.
(A cancer fundraiser where people join a team and share walking from 4pm Saturday-11am Sunday).
Doing the first lap, the Survivors lap, was huge for her.
She even demanded to come to the planning/committee meetings.

Seeing her face at being the leader of the final lap helped me truly believe OUR Amelia was coming back to us.

Then began the excitement of little things.......
Birthdays, her school Ball and now Christmas.

We now speak of "the positives" on a regular basis and I can say Amelia is truly back.
Her quick wit and humour has us all in hysterics again.

Her empathy for others has also returned.
She insisted on buying Meredith a gift this week for her first Christmas without 6 year old BJ.
She knew what she wanted and spent her own money.

Yesterday, Amelia said to me "I am so sorry you have had such a horrible year with bad stuff happening Mum".

After a moments silence I said "You know what? I have actually had a really good year. You are still here".

We could have, would have, should have lost Amelia if all of the things that did fall into place in June hadn't happened.

Amelia is still here and for that I am grateful.

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone.

xxx

P.S Can no one say "Next year will be wonderful".
I did last year and set up this blog in anticipation.

"Hope you have a fucked up 2017" will be fine.