January 2018

(edited A LOT from a few days ago)

Hi Guys,

I have been writing on here frequently since 2010 and it is always a release and an explanation of many things.

It may be something expected about "our life"......

My life.

It may be a 'thank you' or message of appreciation.

It may be a story about an adventure, visitor or holiday.

Many of you have said that I have helped you through difficult times by showing that "we all go through that"......

That "you are all so seriously normal in thinking and experiencing that"......

After 10 plus years of special needs, I am happily insane.

Many of you read this to laugh at the insanity, add to your "see, she is nuts" and "we better keep an eye on her".

But I also have "She is doing well" part.


2018 may be my year.

Tom and Scott believe it may be their year too.

I am happy with the adjustments our family has made over the years to cater for the realities and differences.

I am happy with the to and fro of life in this house.

One child in this house is dying faster than any of us (if you go by what is already known).

Hospital.
Another new Diagnosis.

You have read it all.

Change and development happens with any family.
The to and fro of age and change.

Ours is just different to "the norm".

The best analysis of myself has occurred over the last 12 months.
Of myself, by myself.
(biggest would be post diagnosis)

The biggest analysis of ALL in this house has happened over the last 12 months for each individual.
We all talked like we always have, but you can see change, progress, happiness and positivity in that talk.



When you are young and growing and changing...... you lose and gain many individuals along the way.
Some stay with you when you think they are long gone, courtesy of social media.
They are sometimes the ones to keep you alive and carrying on.
Little messages or visits are like a warm hug.

That is something I have often struggled with on here though.....the ones lost.
The mistakes made and nasty words spoken.

But I finally realise I can no longer blame myself for losing some or analyse their decisions or behaviour anymore.

I am now so far removed from the person I was in my 20's and early 30's.
That person was bubbly, friendly and always helping others.
She had a career she was passionate about and loved.
She suffered badly from depression, anxiety and low self esteem.

In the last 10 years that has changed and she has morphed into a new person.
The new person cannot be described properly yet, because it has not been learnt about enough yet to describe.


I honestly feel like I have began the very first chapter of a whole new book.
Whether it is because of quitting smoking, recovering from the cancer scare and subsequent PTSD, I don't know.
I feel strong and confident and proud of where I am at emotionally.


Tom has finally "pulled his head in" for general behaviour.
(many of you have heard me say this to him over the years!).
He is finally a role model and someone to be proud of.
I love hearing other peoples stories about him and I love witnessing his amazing words and actions myself.
(he can still be a real little shit though!)
I am genuinely excited about watching him grow and develop more.

Amelia is finally spreading those damn bloody wings and speaking her mind!
She is suddenly very sassy and telling you what she really thinks when she feels comfortable!
Doctors have taken notice and are speaking to her about "her concerns" before me now.
She is funny, sarcastic and full of questions.
Amelia has developed an opinion that is becoming strong and confident about herself that I was worried would never come.
When doctors appointments, tests or ED are now mentioned she immediately jumps to the positives (the food she can get, people she will see, facilities she can access as an inpatient).

Amelia has a plan on marriage, children and her future career....
Who knows the future?!


BUT I am never going to avoid the judgement and jealousy from others.
Everyone lives different lives, thinks differently.

If you talk and if you talk personal on social media it eventually comes back to bite you, even in conversations with close friends.

But I am ok with that.
I can walk away confident with the decisions we have made to save our sanity.


I have THE most amazing children and husband EVER.

I can blog sad forever but not happy usually!
But I will try.

We have Amelia, Scott, Tom and I NOW.

How many more people need to comment how happy our house is?!?!

A neighbour commented on the seriously pathetic reunion last week when Tom and Scott returned from their "work week" in Sydney.

The car roared down the driveway and Scott and Tom flew out of the car towards the front door before the car barely stopped.

She said "my hubby and I shed a tear".

Inside we were all seriously hugging and jumping up and down.

Pathetic!!!!!!!!

We cannot whinge when we have so much love.

LOVE is worth so much more than anything else in your one life.



Anyway....

No Regrets at the end is constant and we have so many people on board to make it happen.

All of you would even say there is absolutely no way it hasn't happened yet.
Look at the list in the past 10 years!
Everything from Disneyland, meeting a real mermaid and being on a real commercial.

Amelia will comment the most heartfelt, tear jerking moments though.
The moments with those she loves dearly and is still getting to know.
I must video her comments on those people.
I hear comments regularly that would dumbfound you.

It is NOT the big moments we all celebrate.
It is the genuine moments.
No money or plans needed.

A girlfriend recently looked up Amelia's birthdate/starsign.

She had looked up everyone else's at the table and I was secretly scared of Amelia's because of what I have experienced in previous years........

Amelia's said...

Be very aware of your friendly and empathetic nature.
It influences others strongly in a great or negative way.
Be careful of what you say or do around others.

SO TRUE.

For so long I have seen her change people.

The man at the shopping centre 5 years ago that suddenly held her head and began humming.
and so much more.....

It freaks me out writing it!

She expels a feeling to others!

Amelia is entering a new year .
Level 9 and new teachers.

Tom is entering a new year.
Level 6 and teacher.

2018 we await you.

Frequent FB update awaits.

xxx

Wonder - The Movie

Happy New Year 2018 friends!

Today Amelia wanted to go and see "Wonder" at the movies as one of our final adventures before the boys return from Scott's work trip to Sydney.

I had no issues attending and knew I would probably cry.....

From the very first second, my life started playing out before my eyes....
Quite intently and precise too.

It was like an "oh shit" moment where you look around and worry that someone is spying on you.
(This freaked me out almost as much as the hypnotists ability to remove smoking from my mind).

I say MY above because as the mother spoke, it is everything I have ever thought or experienced.

I say MY because I watched everything my family has experienced in close emotional detail.

Every thought, discussion, consoling moment.

Every personality in the family of the film matched mine almost perfectly!

The comment "My mum gave away her life to devote it to him"......

I silently cried throughout the whole movie.
Every new scene was exactly us.


As we left an elderly couple commented directly to me "great movie".
I lost it in front of them and was able to mutter "Yes. A little too close to home though".
I pushed Amelia quickly to the car.

I was just not prepared for everything we have gone through to be portrayed so perfectly on screen.
The fear, emotions, social skills, communication and even humour.

All of us was all there.


Hours later I was able to laugh a little when I thought of my opinion of the movie trailer beforehand...
Of what I was going to see.

Inspirational.
Amazing.

I laughed that there are so many of us that already live every single minute of what was portrayed on screen.
We experience all that and more.

Children like Auggie are everywhere and I get to see them everyday at Amelia's school.

So if you want to see "my families life" and so many others, go see Wonder.


Finally.....

I know you all want to know Amelia's thoughts on the movie.

Her exact words were "I loved it.  I understood HIM.  I did not cry because I know that life. And Auggie is inspirational".


Oh Amelia.
Many of my tears were because I felt like I was watching your life on screen and the effect on everyone around you.

I felt like I was also watching, not only how you have changed and shaped Dad, Tom and I....
But so many others.

xxx