My Friend Julia

Hi everyone.

I am sitting here numb.

2016 has been a year of such emotional turmoil, my heart is hurting.

I cannot possibly list everything that has happened, so I am going to focus on what is happening right now.

My friend, Julia, has been battling stage 4 cancer for 3 years.

In that time she has changed dramatically for the better.

Julia is definitely a different person than the one I first met.

She has changed her appearance and her outlook on life.
I am the first person that understands what a "terminal illness" will do to someone.

It may not be me that has received it, but when your 13 year old does, it feels like it is yourself.

She has written a book and a blog with an extremely large following.
She has been on 60 minutes.
She won a nationally recognised award for her blog.

We once joked that we both "overshare" and debrief through Facebook WAY too much.
But we also discussed that people do not know our pain.

But people in our position will "drown" in negativity if they don't.

As one of her daughters says "She is famous".

But for those of us that knew her before all this happened.
Before she got the cancer diagnosis.........

She is Julia.

Just Julia.

Just like any one of us.

A mum to 4 little girls, 13 years and under.
A mum to a special needs child.
A wife to an amazing husband.

For the past 3 years we have all watched as she put up THE most fearsome fight against the cancer.
After originally being given 3 months, she has lasted 3 years.

That is phenomenal.

Every goal and milestone she aimed for she reached.
She fought with doctors and specialists to be referred for treatment that she believed would help.

It always helped.
It always gave her more time.

Every person that read her FB posts, blogs and book....she reached.
She touched and connected with them.

She actually saved peoples lives by talking about symptoms and tests people should be requesting.....

NO............ demanding for!

Now it is the end.
She could fight no more.

Our beautiful Julia passed away at 10:15pm on Sunday 18th December 2016.......


Dear Julia,

Thank you.

Thank you for showing me how to be an individual and live my own life.
I may be part of a beautiful family, but I am still me.

I still need to separate myself and strive for my dreams.
My hair and clothes may be a stepping point, but it is also the metal process.

I am and I can be.

I will and I should be.

Recently as you lay there and told me your fears and regrets..........
I cried.

The fear of everything ending is all consuming in such a moment....

I learnt that looking death in the face is so incredibly frightening.
I had to leave the room to fall apart emotionally.

But Julia, you did good in this life.

You have created 4 amazing girls and the foundation you installed in them will be with them forever.

You did so, so, so good.

But your comment "But I am their mum and I am not anymore"..... when you were so sick.....

Yes you are and you always will be.
You will be their mum forever.

No one can replace you.

You started the process and we will make sure it continues.

They will never forget the amazing mum they once had.

The mum that will lives in their hearts and their minds.

The mum that created them.

Thank you for letting me try and do my best to help Gary and the girls in the last 3 months.
Thank you for taking my phone calls to ask your opinion on Christmas gifts for the girls and whether you approved of employing people to come and help in your house.

Gary had the answers, but involving you was paramount.
As you said "I am still fucking alive!".
You were both a partnership and you were not to be secluded.

I regret deeply not helping out sooner, but I promise to make it up to you and Gary now.
I endeavour to be a better friend to those around me in future.

Time lost is paramount in my mind right now.

Gary will be fine.
There are so many of us that are going to make sure of that.

We adore him, so it will be easy.

I cannot imagine what Gary is feeling right now, but I know what "true love" is.

You gave and showed him the love of a person that many never experience in their entire lifetime.
It is a feeling and a memory that will last with him forever.
He will use your "energy" to carry on.
He is an amazing dad and I know he will continue doing the amazing job you both started together.

Scott and I are one of many that are going to support him through this incredible pain.
We both adore him.

You told me recently "God he makes me laugh. He always makes me laugh. But he is so sad now".

He loved you SO much and will continue to make you laugh wherever you are.
I truly believe that.

He is sad because he was losing and just lost the most amazing person that he has ever given his heart to.

It is almost fate that we were at our first Christmas Carol Concert last night.
I thought we would all enjoy it, but as it was our first time, I had an open mind.
ALL of the songs were very suitable for church and not a person that is not religious.

I SO know you were not religious.

Amelia suddenly yelled "THIS IS CRAP!. I DON'T KNOW ANY OF THE SONGS!".
She wanted "Jingle Bells" and "Santa Clause Is Coming To Town"!!!!!!!!!!

You would have laughed as much as we did.
Little, quiet Amelia reacting at such an event.



Thank you Julia for teaching me how to LOVE     FIGHT    and     LIVE.

All those words needs to be separated for their importance,.

Love you xxx

R.I.P. Julia.
Thank you for entering our lives xxx

P.S Don't forget what I said about Amelia.
No better person to be waiting for her xxx

P.P.S I know how much you loved this song.

https://youtu.be/GYMLMj-SibU

Goodbye and I will see you again xxx
    

Emotional Health

Hi Everyone.

As you all may know, this year has been a big year.
Unfortunately it looks like it may get even bigger.

It brings me to address a subject extremely close to my heart.

EMOTIONAL HEALTH.

It is not widely known about or discussed.

Emotional health is all about your "inner being".
It connects self esteem, self worth, feelings and personal growth.

I honestly and truly believe it develops constantly from childhood and continually through adulthood.

I do not think it happened with Scott or myself in childhood and am constantly ensuring it happens with Amelia and Tom......
NOW.

It may be late, but it is happening with Scott and I now and I am seeing the benefits everyday.

EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Talking.
Honesty.
Open conversation.

It connects your social skills, helps school learning and even physical growth.

It can also help a marriage or relationship greatly.

If you are not happy within, nothing else with develop healthy.
Seriously.

Our house is now all about this and it is working.
I honestly and truly believe this.

If you are knowledgeable and talking about issues then it does not spiral into a dilemma.

It begins with a simple "How was your day?'.
And "What happened".

In our case it is also "The doctor said this or that today" and we see where the conversation goes.

As a family.
No distractions.

Honesty.

Just eating dinner.

Amelia and Tom both know that Amelia is going to decline further and will die in the future.
They may not like it, but they have acknowledged it.

I purposely did not say on here "accepted or understood" because that is part of their personal growth in emotional health.
They are not capable of either yet.

It is all about honesty and wording at the stage someone is at.

OR the stage the situation is at.

We have discussed the fact that Amelia is dying with both children individually (and that has been documented on here) BUT I can see where both children have scaled those words back to what they are able to comprehend.

I accept and totally understand that.

BUT Amelia and Tom have also changed dramatically in their behaviour towards one another.
They were always close, but.....

They genuinely listen and acknowledge each other now.
They write letters or say words they would not have said before.
They cuddle and lie in bed together.
They ask to attend outings and events together.

"Can "he/she" go with me?'

It connects to my original motto,
"No regrets at the end".

I can see them doing it, without me suggesting it.

Their "child" minds have grasped it.
The innocence and the reality has connected for them.



Emotional health is ongoing during someone's entire lifetime.

But it is up to the adults to instigate to a child or children everyday
"I am here and I will listen.
It does not matter how small, negative or positive the story is........I am here".

You may have no idea the importance of these simple questions.......
But it will not only mean everything to now, but also in the future.

The small things to a young child are considered HUGE.
Now. Acknowledge them now and show you are listening.

When they grow up, the small things (to possibly them) like drugs, alcohol and mental illness will turn out to be the huge things that they will REALLY need help with.

Be open to when they get home from school.
Be open when you are getting dinner ready together.
Be open to when they are going to bed.....lie down with them if you can.

Encourage them to write their feelings down....... even if they keep it to themselves.

Encourage them to talk, even if it is useless banter.

Laugh and joke with them.

Demonstrate it yourself.

Give it a few weeks and they will join in.

WE are creating their minds for the future and it is SO important.

And when new situations arise, good or bad, TALK.

Love you all xxx