The end of an era

Tonight, as I sit here with my husband and children, I reflect further on our future.
It is evening time on New Years Eve 2015 and we are having a "quiet one" after Amelia spent this morning vomiting.

Continuing on from the previous post........

I know so many of you have been living each day as I have.
Many or you are past such personal growth and many of you are lucky enough to never have touched such feelings and emotions.

But I am documenting my journey and my journey only.

After so much growth and change in five years.......
I have narrowed down my own personal growth to two areas.

Within and without.

Both battles are as big as each other and will take a while to learn and master.
Maybe they will be an ongoing battle.
I do not know.
Maybe we never learn to master the battles, but just like grief, it gets easier.

My battle "within" encompasses so much.
Self esteem.
Self confidence.
Smiling.
Laughing.
Being thankful.
Being grateful.
Looking at the positives.
Stop putting pressure on myself to shop, clean, wash, be a good mum, wife and have time to rest.
Continuing to adjust to a working life.
Dwelling on friendships lost.

So much.

This is not a New Years Resolution.
It is just what I have identified needs helps for the whole family to move in a healthy direction forward.
I need to stop worrying, thinking and stressing about these things.

One life.
One life cannot be consumed with such debilitating thoughts anymore.

The "without" growth is what really pulls me down.

People who do not treat me as I treat them.
I see people share posts on Facebook like this all the time.
But when it is REAL and when it is constant and stays within your thoughts, it is not healthy.

It is a situation with so many of us.
For many people it can mean family, friends or workplace.

We do not deserve it and they do not deserve us.

I am making the bold move of "moving on".
Even if it is extended family.

They have no right to drag us down to their negative level.

I need to do it for my Scott, Amelia and Tom.

Scott and I have always accepted and welcomed anyone.
I will not let past experiences make me a "hard" person.
I am not and will not be a "hard" person".
I do not want, nor will have a "guard" up.

I am me.

I am kind.
I am supportive.
I love those around me with all my heart.
ALL MY HEART.
But I will stand up for what I believe in.
I will stand up for those around me.
Even if it is online.

What has this got to do with Amelia, you ask?

I will be a better mum.

And this is my life too.

Happy New Year Friends.

xxx