Hello Friends,
As another year draws to a close, I reflect on what has been another tumultuous year in hospital stays and appointments.
I am happy to say that everything has been settled with medication though.
We now have a very long list of medications that Amelia needs to take daily.
I no longer expect any year to be "clear sailing" and hospital free.
Amelia now has Ataxia Telangiectasia, Type 1 Diabetes and Gastroparesis.
She is also on Ovarian Cancer survivor.
Our 11 year old son also has Type 1 Diabetes.
Amelia is a different child of late.
Her sense of humour is in abundance (wish I could have filmed her reaction to Nana's banana fritter and 2 scoops of ice-cream today at Chinese!).
Amelia is talking non-stop and laughing constantly.
She is questioning things and wanting to know everything.
After a recent discussion, Amelia tells me "After what I have been through recently, I want to laugh lots and live my life happy. This is the new and improved me!".
I love it!
Tom is going well and we have finally decided on a High School for him.
It is a great relief to know where to apply now.
I love hearing about all of his friends and their antics!
Scott and I have come to a realisation recently and I hope it will be like a new start for us individually, as a couple and as family.
Recently I had a birthday.
I suffered another bad depression spell leading up to it.
I ended up not wanting to celebrate it and just wanted the day over and done with.
The kids did not really pick up on it, but poor Scott cops all the comments and knows that I am not doing well.
I saw 43 as a climb down the mountain.
43 as the downward climb on a pinnacle of life.
(Silly I know).
We are just EXISTING..... not living and loving life.
Scott and I get up everyday and do what "we have to do".
Medications, calls from schools (which is daily), toileting showering and entertaining.
Medical appointments and running a house.
It is monotonous and draining.
It is repetitive and boring.
I used to love getting out of the house and working.
I looked at my birthday as "Why?"
Why have I been gifted such a horrible and painful life.........
That will only become more painful in the future?
Why am I looking after a 14 year old child with needs like a baby?
Why am I going to have to nurture her through at the end?
I cannot sleep in, because she needs to go to the toilet.
Then she needs tablets and needles and food within a certain timeline.
Then lunchtime and dinner are the same.
I cannot rest, because she wants entertaining.
Tom wants someone to play basketball and cricket with in the backyard.
I am tired.
I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
I know Scott is too.
We both struggle to smile and laugh now.
Tomorrow night we are being hypnotised to quit smoking.
Hopefully it is the first step to living, creating and loving our own lives.
One thing stopping us from dealing with the daily regime.
We are busy creating an amazing life for the kids.......
Why not us too?
xxx
