Driving home was very surreal.
I was driving Amelia the 1 hour distance for a few days away from the hospital.
She was not better than when I took her in there.
They had not "fixed" her.
The fatigue, vomiting and pain was worse.
The mental damage was the most difficult to help her with.
Amelia was sad.
Very sad.
The personality that we have always known and loved had been consumed by fear.
My hope was that this was only temporary.
The whole drive I was questioning myself about whether this was a good idea.
Amelia really struggled to sit in the passenger seat comfortably.
She barely talked.
I just kept telling myself......
The animals.
They will make her happy.
Tom's Birthday.
She will be happy to be home with him when he wakes up on the Sunday morning.
Unfortunately this was not the case.
From the moment we got home, Amelia got worse.
Amelia spent the weekend lying on the couch.
She was unable to sit upright.
For a child that has refused any daytime "naps" since she was two years old, she spent a lot of the weekend sleeping.
Her interest in food and drink was minimal.
On the first night she woke up crying.
She was running a fever, but was shaking uncontrollably, saying how cold she was.
This would continue many times over the weekend.
It was SO incredibly hard to watch.
It was SO hard as a mum to know that she had something inside of her that was making her feel this way.
I kept reassuring myself that they were taking it out in a few days, but then I began worrying, what if it burst at home?
I rang the hospital on the second day home and they did not appear concerned.
With the acceptance that they are the experts, I told myself everything was fine.
Our front door became a revolving one.
Friends and family came to give her a kiss, give her a hug and kindly give us a meal.
Amelia struggled to converse with some.
On the Sunday, it was Tom's 10th Birthday.
We tried to keep it as normal as possible.
With Amelia still laying on the couch and becoming worse, I organised for friends to come and sit with her so Tom could still play footy and have his birthday party.
Tom played in his footy team in the morning and it was very emotional to see the extent the players, coaches and parents went to in support of Tom.
Everyone knew the worry of the previous fortnight and how emotional Tom was about having our family separated.
The players were a pink stripe on the protective helmets and pink face paint.
Friends, family and the players parents wore pink and came to show their support.
When Scott and I were standing beside the ground on our own, I said to him
"I think I am going to have to take her back before Tuesday".
"I know" he said.
After the game we returned home and I rang the hospital again.
I spoke to one of our doctors and explained what she had been like.
We ended up deciding that it was best to take her back in to be "checked" and we may as well stay for Tuesdays operation.
"Can I go to my son's birthday party first please?" I asked her.
"Yes" she responded. "But come straight after".
I packed our suitcase before taking Tom, with Scott, to meet his friends.
The birthday party was fantastic and I tried to just focus on Tom and his happiness.
When we got home, we put Amelia and our bags in the car.
The emotions were raw, because we all knew that we would not be home now until after Amelia had recovered from the operation.
Scott and I had been told the risks of the operation.
We needed to get through Tuesday first before we began worrying about the test results being cancer and what that would entail.
As we all hugged and kissed goodbye, Tom started begging to come with us.
He climbed into the passenger seat and wrapped Amelia up in the tightest hug and would not let go.
Watching Scott pull him off her was one of the most emotional things I have ever witnessed.
As Scott held Tom while he sobbed at home, Amelia cried the whole 1 hour drive back to the hospital.
xxx
