Hello,
Unusual for me to write a blog at all lately, let alone two, but I am currently on "forced rest" (although not much force is needed. I feel revolting and have barely any energy).
Amelia is fantastic at the moment.
She has amazing teachers and friends that are so bubbly and full of personality.
She is bossy, full of attitude and we are all LOVING it.
We are encouraging her to make more decisions for herself, rather than us just taking control.
It has taken her a while to get used to deciding what "SHE would like to do" or about "what SHE would like", but now it is easy to see her taking it to most areas of her daily routine.
As my dad recently said "It makes you laugh, it makes you smile, to see her with so much spunk now".
The bossy side of it can be a bit hard to keep up with!
There are many things that must happen NOW.
Scott says she gets that from me.
I obviously disagree!
Tom has really come into his own this year.
He has an awesome group of friends around him now, rather than just playing with "whoever".
His teacher has energy levels to rival his and they both have a healthy and quite entertaining teacher/student relationship that both challenges and inspires him on all fronts.
He has matured greatly and insists on helping me with everything from cooking dinner to unpacking the dishwasher.
I am still waiting for the "clean my bedroom" stage to arrive.
Hopefully before he leaves home he will learn that one.
Scott is Scott.
Always supportive, a good dad and a good husband.
Me?
I am the emotional, over thinker I always have been.
In the last 12 months I have found a life for myself outside the home where I am loved and I am appreciated for something other than being a carer and a wife.
I get to wear nice clothes, have adult conversations and be given important responsibilities.
I love it.
Scott and I have had serious conversations about "whether I should be working as much as what I am".
I have always argued with him that I cannot understand why he is questioning it.
I thought he was being an arse actually.
He is getting food on the table.
So what if the toilet is always discoloured and he needs to search the mountain load of washing for underwear!
But last Thursday night, the day of my thyroid biopsy, I started getting a sore throat and spent the night in a bed of sweat.
Friday night after work, the sweating became much worse and this incredibly painful body ache began. I lay on the couch falling in and out of sleep.
Scott told me to go to bed.
I think it ended up being one of the longest nights ever as I alternated between hot sweating and violent shivering.
The pain of the body aches meant I couldn't even roll over.
This continued all day Saturday and Saturday night.
Because Scott had forced medication and fluid into me Saturday afternoon and night (I will never forget looking over his shoulder at the kids worried looks) I felt marginally better on Sunday.
Once the body aches started disappearing and my eyesight returned to normal, I was just left with this incredible tiredness and nasty cough.
Then the stress of "work" began.
Such a big week and so much needed to be done.
The guilt consumed me for 2 days and I became angry and frustrated that I could not go.
Then it hit me.
As I watched daytime television and an awesome movie....
As I opened my kindle for the first time in 12 months.....
As I spent time with the 1 year old Labrador INSIDE and remembered what an awesome companion he is........
As I spent invaluable time just sitting and talking to Amelia......
As we all became captivated by The Voice for another year, I watched Tom spin the egg chair he sat in, The Voice app open on his ipad. I watched him be "a judge" and listen to the voice only. I watched him engrossed in listening to a singer, his hand in the air moving to the music. Then his hand rose telling the singer to push it further........
I realised I had forgotten what my sole purpose is.
Instead of rushing and being stressed, I was grounded again to what was important in my life.
While searching and trying to maintain what I could be, what I should be, what I missed......
I lost a major part of me.
Getting the flu and being forced to rest has been what obviously needed to happen.
I have pushed myself to the very furthest limit to find a work/life balance.
We have been able to survive on a low wage.
I was working for ME.
I had become rundown, stressed out and was drinking enough wine to keep the local bottle shop operating.
I now see that Scott saw all of this happening.
I guess my friends did too.
Life is about constantly evolving.
To be a better person and to be in a good place.
I needed to hit rock bottom to see that I need to make changes.
Today my 66 year old mother is being moved into a permanent home for the elderly.
In a few years, I may write about what this means to me.
xxx
